Welcome to the Kitopedia. All entries are © 2001-2007 Christopher Sunami, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. These entries are NOT publicly licensed. No entries may be reproduced without permission and attribution.

NOTE: Most essays on this site represent original theoretical work. If you find these articles interesting, inspiring or helpful, please let me know. If you refer to them, please give me and this website credit. In addition, links back to this page in blogs or from other sites are always appreciated!

Main

•Site Index
•Top 15 Entries
•Contributors
•Submissions
•Guestbook
•Trackback
•Glossary

Essays:

Thoughts on Marriage

by Chris Sunami

Remarks delivered on the occasion of the marriage of Jesse Zalatan and Jennifer Sunami, April 5th, 2008, in San Francisco's Stern Grove Park. Congrats, Jenna and Jesse!

My old professor once advised me to view marriage as more like getting a good job than like winning the lottery. I think the metaphor is apt. Marriage is often difficult and challenging. It takes hard work. And yet the effort you place in it is richly rewarded.

So what is it about marriage that makes it worthwhile? A large part of the answer is that marriage is a commitment. It is not possible to both love widely and love deeply, and in love, as in the earth, the most valuable treasures are hidden at great depths. It is only when you form an exclusive relationship with one person that you come to know love in its most profound form.

Another part of the answer comes from the fact that you choose your friends, but not your family. From the moment you or they are born into the world, there is a bond between you and your family members that cannot be broken. Whether you like them or hate them, your brothers and sisters, parents and children are in your life to stay. They shape you and are shaped by you in turn.

Your spouse, however, is the one exception to the rule, because your spouse is the family member that you choose. He or she is someone not born or raised with you, who was once a stranger, but who now becomes part of that bedrock foundation of your life. With a spouse you gain not only the joy of choosing that person who resonates with you, but also the double joy of solidifying that bond and making it permanent. Your spouse is a person too valuable to lose; and marriage is a statement of your intent to hold on so tightly that neither the indignities of time nor the vagaries of fashion and fortune will be able to wrest his or her hand from your grip.

The paradoxes of marriage are many, and among them are these: that in forgoing the possible, you achieve the actual; that in narrowing your embrace, you widen your heart; and that in gazing on one person, you perceive the universe. Kierkegaard, the great philosopher of paradox called it “joy by virtue of the absurd,” but Ossie Davis, actor, activist, and veteran of marriage, phrased it even better in his dictum: “the way to possess all women is to love one woman well.”

As I close my remarks, the bridal couple has asked me to give some attention to the subject not merely of why marriage, but also of why a wedding. Why have you, the most intimate friends and family members of the happy pair been invited here; traveling, in some cases, thousands of miles in order to share this event? The answer is simple. Love may be a private matter, but a marriage belongs to the public. This ceremony is a rite of passage, not merely for Jennifer and Jesse, but for all of us gathered here today. For those of us who are members of Jenna’s family, we too are gaining a new family member in Jesse, and the same is true in reverse. And for the wider circle of friends, you also are being asked to nurture, support, strengthen and affirm this union. Girlfriends and boyfriends come and go in people’s lives, but this new spouse of your friend, is no disposable adjunct to their existence, but an equal and a permanent partner.

And now, if there are none here who can give any reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony, I would ask you all to join me in blessing their sacred vows:

<< Previous
Other Pages that Link Here Kitoba.Com:Christopher Sunami

Comment on this Page or Read Guestbook

Essays:

Thoughts on Marriage

by Chris Sunami

Other Pages that Link Here